Monday Question

21 01 2008

If the road to hell is paved with good intentions, then what is the road to heaven paved with? Cheetos?


Halloween Duo Costumes

24 10 2007

Nick Cardamone, with the suggestion of “Tools of Ignorance,” wins the column name-off. Congratulations to the man with a beard that grows faster than debt.


(He’s the one with the beard)

I apologize for the short posts of late. I promise to get back to rambling mini-theses again, when work ceases to inch me closer to aneurysm.

But! Another question, with another offer of a free round for the best suggestion:

Tay and I are trying to craft a tandem Halloween costume. I want to avoid human, especially celebrity, couples, and would prefer something abstract (Death and Dismemberment, War and Peace [not War and Peace], etc.). Any ideas?

Question 7

18 10 2007

If an overtattooed, pony-tailed genie popped out of a malty longneck one night and proposed this:

If you had to go home every night for five years and run six miles, without stopping, and you must run hard enough that you puke at the end (thus, it gets faster every time, unless you succumb) — and if you stop or give up, you die — but at the end of this stint, you’re guaranteed what the genie calls ‘true, eternal happiness,’ would you do it?

Keep in mind those times when you came back from work and you had the will to do nothing but crack open a beer and watch the most vapid TV programming possible.

*The author of this question estimates he’d last a week before a long and loud subway commute home would end his will to run, and thus live*


19 09 2007

If you could be a professional baseball player (for girls, a starlet actress, maybe?) and have a 10-year career in which you’re regarded as one of the best in the game, but on every day you’re not playing, you get nosebleeds every hour, would you do it?


12 09 2007

If the theoretical world were pretty much the same as it is now, would you rather dinosaurs or Shakespeare never existed?

Question 4

9 09 2007

Would you rather be covered, head-to-toe, in body hair or plaid in place of skin?

And if you shave the body hair, it feels like you’re shaving off skin.

Question 3

5 09 2007

This is a classic:

If you had the power to have sex with any person in the world — and this is an unlimited ability, re-usable time and time again — at any point you wanted, but the person would die sometime in the next year, would you take the power? You couldn’t turn the power off, and the alternative is not having sex more than once every 7 years.

There’s no uniform manner of death. Could be peaceful. Maybe not. But, of course, it could all be coincidence, and the person was fated to go in the next year anyway. So…would you?