Westerns for those with low self-esteem

22 01 2008

Sports Illustrated ran its first great profile in a year last issue, when S.L. Price crafted a piece about Rick Majerus, the wildly beloved/controversial and categorically obese former coach of Utah basketball and current coach of Saint Louis. One of the more lasting quotes from Majerus was that “Parents today want to take all the pain, all the heartache and sadness, out of their kids’ lives. All the things that make you a better person.”

We’re mired in an age of self-esteem, when dodgeball and picking teams are banned at hundreds of elementary schools because the barbaric games may hurt a child’s perception of himself.

I got to thinking. In a style swiped from McSweeney’s, what if Western movie titles were altered to suit these self-esteem-and-youth-obsessed times:

The Good, The Bad and the Internally Beautiful

How the West was Won (Through Teamwork!)

The Magnificent Everyone

Dances With Wolves like Nobody’s Looking

Westward, My Lady (Originally titled, Westward, Ho!)

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Undervalued Associate with So Much to Offer, Robert Ford

The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance Probably Had a Good Reason for It if You Let Him Explain

Bad Day At Black Rock: Do You Want to Talk About it?

No Country for Old Men

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2 responses

22 01 2008
Nicole

Kev this is awesome. Made me laugh out loud and brightened my otherwise shitty day (and existence!)

26 01 2008
Weissmann

Well played sir. Well played.

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